I’ve always had the utmost respect for the strength and durability of duct tape, but I’m not entirely convinced it’s going to be my ultimate savior in the event of a terrorist attack. Perhaps the best use for duct tape would be to bound and gag the knee-jerk crackpots that run our local media in order to prevent them from fanning the flames of foolishness and exploiting the fear of an anxious nation.
A lot of people want to blame the government for creating this mass hysteria with its Homeland Security Threat Levels and warnings of imminent terrorist attacks. Most of these people are the same short-sighted reactionaries who tried to blame the government for not telling us that a group of terrorists were about to do the unimaginable by hijacking commercial airliners and smashing them into the Pentagon and World Trade Center–as if anyone could have foreseen that horrific act of barbarism, and anyone would have believed it if they went to the press with it. But now that the government IS telling us that something might possibly happen based on the
reports from those same intelligence analysts we criticized nearly eighteen months ago for not making any noise, people get pissed off because they’re making us uneasy. Fact is folks, we should be uneasy – there are people out there who want to kill us. But I guess this proves the accuracy of two familiar old adages – ignorance is bliss, and you can never underestimate the stupidity of the American public.
Doesn’t anyone realize that by issuing warnings and raising awareness the government is likely executing the most effective plan possible for stopping a terrorist action? The whole concept behind terrorism is to hit people when and where they least expect it. So if everyone is expecting it, it takes the key elements of shock and surprise out of the act. Yet we tend to get pissed off at the government when these things they warn us about DON’T happen – the same way
we get pissed off at the weatherman when the devastating storm he predicts turns out to be nothing but a few flurries. When it comes down to it, I think I’m happier being uneasy than I would be if I were a witness to or, worse, a victim of another act of terror.
Nevertheless, just because I’m uneasy doesn’t mean I have to be a complete friggin’ jackass. I’m not going to wrap my home in plastic sheets and duct tape (did anyone else see that knucklehead in Connecticut?). I’m not going to run around and do errands in a Haz-Mat suit and Kevlar vest. I’m not going to mount a fifty-cal to the roof of my SUV and go cruising for Al-Qaeda on the streets of Hudson County. I’m going to go about my business as usual and if I see anything out of the ordinary I will report it.
So what did I do with my $50 this week? I went to Caroline’s Comedy Club near Times Square. I met my friends at the bar for a few drinks. I rode the PATH and the subway. I spent my money having a good time and enjoying what the Metro area has to offer, instead of hiding in my bathroom and letting the "terror" of terrorism dictate my daily actions.
And despite what the numbskulls in the local media told me, I didn’t run to the hardware store and spend it all on duct tape.
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the
Metro-area, please write to:
"Hal Wastes His Wages"
c/o The Hudson Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030
Or via e-mail:
Current@hudsonreporter.com