Dear Dr. Norquist:
I hope you can print my letter.
I use heroin. I have an addiction of 1 or 2 bags a day. If I do not use, which I use in the morning before work, I get very sick. I can not function. I have a high paying job in construction, and I cannot go to a detox or rehab because the company I work for needs me. I can not let my company know I am addicted to drugs.
Is there any way I can get off this drug with no uncomfortably? If I can stop using I will attend NA and AA meetings. I just need to get sober before I begin a recovery program. Would my medical coverage cover me for some kind of medication to get me off heroin?
Please respond. I have no one to turn to. Thank you.
Dr. Norquist responds:
When you have an addiction, your life is not your own. You have allowed something else to take over your life. "It" starts to control your emotions, your thoughts, your behavior, your lifestyle, your interpersonal life, and eventually, your soul. It’s like be possessed. You must make the decision, for yourself, to reclaim your self, your life, your spirit, and your will to be at the helm of your own ship. You say your company needs you, but that’s not what is important here. Companies will eat people up to get the work done. Then when that person gets sick or leaves, they will find another to take his/her place. Your first and only priority right now has to be to do whatever it takes to shake this addiction and to reclaim your self, your spirit, and your life.
Your medical insurance will cover the cost for you to go through detox at a hospital or a drug rehabilitation program. You need to call the number on your insurance card for mental health services, and find a detox/rehab center that accepts your insurance. They will assist you. For your protection, there are very strict confidentiality laws in New Jersey when it comes to substance abuse. Please, say yes to yourself and your life. You have given your power to the heroin and it has taken over your precious life. Fight the fight. Reclaim your God-given right to choose to live this life you have been given in a manner that you can be proud of. Please write again to let me know how you are doing.
Dear Dr. Norquist:
My husband works in another state and is away almost all the time. His company is 400 miles away or about a one-hour flight. Last fall he came home for my birthday and I asked if I could come up to visit him and celebrate Thanksgiving weekend together. He said no that I needed to be "less clingy", and to "develop my own friendships and to not depend on him". This was not the first time he has responded this way. I have not been able to get this out of my mind.
During the past few weeks I’ve been considering getting a divorce from him because I think I can no longer stand being married and be so very much alone. Am I overreacting?
Dr. Norquist responds:
It sounds like the two of you have differing needs for closeness. Has it always been this way, or did this develop over time? It is certainly very normal to want to spend Thanksgiving with your husband. Most happy couples look forward to sharing time with each other. Either your husband’s need for closeness is very limited, or there is something askew in your relationship. It’s also possible that his unavailability (emotionally as well as physically) leads you to feel more needy (or "clingy" as he states), thus encouraging more distance on his part. Whatever the cause, this is something the two of you need to sit down and discuss together. Define for each other (and yourselves) what you want from your marriage and see if you can discover together how to work things out.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding and treating physical symptoms and health-related concerns. Practitioners of the following techniques are available to answer your questions: psychology, acupuncture, therapeutic and neuromuscular massage, yoga, meditation, spiritual & transpersonal psychology, Reiki, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Alexander Technique Ó 2002 Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center