The following letter (abbreviated somewhat for this column) appeared on June 3, 2001. Two readers of the original column wrote in with comments and suggestions that I thought important to share)
Dear Dr. Norquist:
I am 39-year-old gay male. I have lived in Jersey City for three years. I have been treated for depression, various anxiety disorders and many personality disorders and am now diagnosed as schizotypal. I have been in the care of mental health workers for 15 years. Before that I treated the pain and difficulties in my life by using methamphetamine, illegally, of course. I did that for 10 years until the consequences of using speed became intolerable. Since quitting injecting speed I have infrequently used other drugs, alcohol most often.
I have been fortunate in that I have responded well to the many different medications that I have been prescribed. I have learned much in life due to some good therapists.
My problem though is that the medications treat outward symptoms but have not rid me of self-hatred and an irrepressible drawing to self-destructive behaviors. I am receiving counseling from a very good psychologist who calls herself a behaviorist. She has encouraged me to go back to school, which I have done. I am also completing a job-training program and will hopefully soon be working.
Things are going better for me then they have for years, yet I feel, left to my own devices, I will destroy myself.
In two weeks when school ends, I am checking myself into Christ Hospital before I do something that will harm or kill me. I am going mostly just to get away from the stress and responsibility of life although I don’t think they can offer me any treatment that will help me move out of this very dark place I find myself in.
I hope to find a way to stop repeating destructive behaviors. What advice can you give me?
Dear Dr. Norquist:
I have just read your column of June 3, 2001. My heart goes out to the gentleman who wrote to you. I hope you print this letter so that he may read it. I can tell by his letter that he is truly a sensitive and "gentle man." I wish him to stay with therapy. There are many painful parts to therapy. May I suggest that he go slowly. In my therapy, when I reached really painful parts and asked my therapist to stop, we did. We picked it up later. Take it in parts. I would get overwhelmed by the pain. It is a long process. Please let him know that life after therapy (with some tune-ups) is so much more peaceful. I know if he continues he will be one more positive person in this world that is not always so forgiving to the gentle-hearted. He is moving in the right direction. Thank you for your wonderful outlook on life.
Hello Dr. Norquist:
I read your column regularly and find it excellent! I am, by profession, a charitable endowment specialist. I have committed 25 percent of my practice towards meeting the needs of people greatly at-risk. Over years of experience in my practice, people in great need of financial and investment assistance are those people having the greatest difficulties in life. They often create those difficulties themselves, the very person striving to gain control and create peace in their lives by reaching out for help to me. I have come to understand fully that the chaotic financial situation the person finds him/herself in is only one of many chaotic results due to what is going on in the mind and heart of the person (old negative belief systems, etc.).
It breaks my heart to see these people suffer and that is why if after meeting with someone, I also recommend a joint effort be made with a healer such as yourself, who treats the whole person. My clients often refer to me as their financial doctor, and I remind them that we all have gifts and we are all here to serve and care for, in whatever capacity we can, one another. I feel you demonstrated this in a way that brought me to tears in your June 3, 2001 column/response to a 39-year-old gay male. Thank you for serving.
Dr. Norquist responds:
Thank you both for your heartfelt responses. Regarding service, yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Let me share with you a quote that I believe you would also resonate with: "In the end, when we look back over the meaning of our life, we will see that its’ greatest expression was through service. Then, there is only love to share, only joy to share." Thank you for your service to others.
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.)
Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanya.com or by e-mail at drnorquist@chaitanya.com, or by fax at (201) 656-4700. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding and treating physical symptoms and health-related concerns. Practitioners of the following techniques are available to answer your questions: psychology, acupuncture, therapeutic and neuromuscular massage, yoga, meditation, spiritual & transpersonal psychology, Reiki, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Alexander Technique Ó 2001 Chaitanya Counseling and Stress Management Center