For the first time since I’ve moved to Hoboken I was finally witness to a substantial snowfall. After years of listening to local media consistently cry wolf about some impending arctic apocalypse – which normally delivers an inch or two if we’re lucky – I was actually quite impressed by the accumulation on New Year’s weekend. With the possibility of a few more flurries to come in the future, let me share with you this advisory on the best way to handle winter weather. (As a Syracuse-area native who went to college in Vermont, I am qualified to give this advice.)STAY HOME AND DRINK!!! Use the snow to your advantage as the ultimate excuse for blowing off whatever it was you had planned so that you can just sit around and get blown out. And once you’ve blown everything off, make sure your friends do it, too. Then run to the liquor store (which WILL be open no matter how much it snows because it’s guaranteed to be a busy day) and get the provisions. Listen to me folks; I cannot stress booze’s importance in this situation enough. We’ve all seen The Shining – if Wendy had given Jack a shot of Jack a little sooner, there wouldn’t have been any of that “Here’s Johnny!!!” stuff.
The perfect example of a well-executed snow day session was our recent weekend “blizzard”. My friends Mark and Kate were in from Buffalo, so they knew the drill. Over our Bloody Mary breakfast we decided it best to scrap our grandiose plans of Metropolitan cultural exploration, but try to avoid cabin fever with a little house party. At around 1 p.m. we went out to brunch at Mile Square (221 Washington St., Hoboken – thanks, Cameron) then on to Washington Liquors (211 Washington), where we picked up a case of Yuengling and a bottle of Ketel One. Once back at the apartment, we began rallying the troops. My girlfriend’s cousins were easily persuaded and arrived not only with more booze, but also food (a secondary provision, but useful nonetheless). With the preparations now complete, there was nothing left to do but sit back and enjoy the day.
Though perhaps some of us may have enjoyed the day a bit too much. By 5 p.m., I was playing drinking games with Martinis, by 6 p.m. I was back at Washington Liquors for another bottle of Ketel One, by 7 p.m. I was singing along with a Pogues’ CD, and by 8 p.m. (I guess, I kind of lost track of time) we decided it was a good idea to go out. From that point on I vaguely remember doing my best impression of George Bailey running through the streets of Bedford Falls (not the first time I’ve pulled that one) followed by a brief respite in an extraordinarily comfortable snowdrift (not the first time I’ve pulled that either). It wasn’t long after climbing out of the snowdrift that I decided to call it a day.
But what a day it was. Okay, I’ll admit that it was a hell of a lot easier to pull off considering the fact that the snow fell on a holiday weekend. But by following this fine example we can work to make every snow day a holiday – in fact, I feel the same rules should apply if it’s a little rainy as well…
…or even better when the sun’s too bright, you don’t want to be messing with that.
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the metro area, please write to:
“Hal Wastes His Wages”
c/o The Hudson Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030
Or via e-mail:
Current@hudsonreporter.com