My Christmas was excellent, other than the fact that my break was too short. I had to be back the 26th, since I recently started a new job and, therefore, lack the testicular fortitude to demand an extra day off after just a few weeks. So the girlfriend, the dog and I had to skip the big holiday dinner and head back into town from my parents’ a little early on Christmas Day (credit where credit is due, we were hooked up with a killer seafood feast on the 23rd – thanks, Mom!!!)By the time we were done fighting the infamous Syracuse “lake-effect” snow, the doldrums of the Poconos and eventually those legions of mindless jackass-motorists that choke the metro area during the holiday rush (yeah, you in the Beamer!), we had worked up quite an appetite. And while feeding the dog was no problem, I wasn’t about to settle for dry Purina and water as my celebratory supper, so it was necessary to look beyond what was left in the kitchen cupboards.
At first I thought that there might be some difficulty in finding a place that was open for dinner on Christmas night. But then I remembered Ralphie Parker and his family “decking the halls” at an Asian restaurant in A Christmas Story, and sure enough there were a couple open.
We decided on Satay Malaysian Cuisine (99 Washington St., Hoboken) as the optimum choice for our Yuletide feast. This is a place from which I have gotten good take-out before, but I will never demean their meals like that again. The food looks and tastes a thousand times better when properly presented, as opposed to in a plastic bowl, plus the atmosphere, though not all that Christmas-like, is interesting and enjoyable (Drinker’s Advisory: it may look like a tiki-bar, but unfortunately it’s BYOB – I learned that the hard way).
After a thorough scan of the menu, which thankfully has English descriptions of the hard-to-pronounce Malaysian dishes, we were able to make up our minds. I chose the Lemon Pork Chop, which tastes a lot like lemon chicken except for the fact that, well, it’s pork. My girlfriend went with the Udang Kelapa, which are succulent butterflied jumbo shrimp in a scrumptious coconut batter. I know that they’re so tasty because the serving size was big enough to choke a sperm whale, so I got to scoop up the leftovers.
The service was excellent except for one small communication problem when I ordered a Coke and a ginger ale and received a Coconut and a ginger ale. But the coconut turned out to be a pleasant surprise. The milk tastes just like the milk you slurp out of the bowl after you eat all of your Frosted Flakes – it’s GRRRRRRRREAT!!!
Despite being named after an appetizer that involves skewers, Satay doesn’t stick it to you at all. The entire meal cost $42, plus gratuity. I would like to thank the staff of Satay for being open that night, since otherwise I would have been forced to try to create some sort of meal by using microwave popcorn and pickles. Although we weren’t as lucky as Ralphie Parker with the seasonal serenade, I did get a cute little snowman made from turnips. That’s almost as good as the “Official Red Rider Carbine Action 200 Shot Range Model Air Rifle” I wanted, though there’s less chance of me shooting my eye out with the turnip.
If you know how I can effectively waste $50 in the metro area, please write to:
“Hal Wastes His Wages”
c/o The Current
1400 Washington Street
Hoboken, New Jersey 07030
Or via e-mail:
Current@hudsonreporter.com