Ah, Valentine’s Day. Nothing inspires such venom. Did St. Valentine know back in the third century that he died for bitter poetry and key scratches on an ex-lover’s Ferrari? Maybe I’m being cynical (but I’m a writer; cynicism’s my life). Then again, I don’t think the martyr priest meant to go in the name of mystery-filled chocolates and corny greeting cards. St. Valentine is irrelevant anyway – Feb. 14 is now National Condom Day. And just like Christmas, Valentine’s day (notice we’ve dropped the Saint) is celebrated when it is because it falls at the same time the pagans once celebrated a feast. Man, those pagans knew how to party. In honor of the heart- (or heartache-) filled holiday, we’ve come up with a series of awards, the first annual Loveys. Herewith, the premiere winners: Most thought-provoking without necessarily being negative Valentine’s season event… The award goes to: The Cooper Gallery (295 Grove St., Jersey City, 451-1074) for its February show “Valentine’s Day Massacre,” open now through March 4. What is it? A series of paintings by the gallery’s cadre of artists promising to reveal what women really think of men and what men really think of women. Does it deliver? Like Weight Watchers, the Buttmaster and Rogaine, it all depends on what you put in. Gallery goers have so far engaged in spirited discussions about what paintings like Eileen Kennedy-Dyne’s “American Wedding” (shown on the cover) really means. Other highlights include a Masked II, a depiction of a man who has pulled away his mask, only to reveal another one underneath, and a Magic eye-like series of extra large pixels that become what they were – two roses – when you remove your glasses (or squint). Love goodies: Sure it’s the human form and very artistic, but you can also check out the equipment on a few photos that feature naked men (and two paintings of naked women). Least thought-provoking yet still worth doing Valentine’s event… The award goes to: Lovesexy (104 Hudson St., Hoboken, 656-1136) for its Feb. 12 event “My Slutty Valentine.” What is it? Lovesexy’s annual Valentine’s-inspired shindig (though it’s on Saturday so you can sleep in the next day), which is usually called “My Bloody Valentine.” Why the change? “It rhymes with bloody,” said Lovesexy’s John Vincent Vargas, who books the shows. Might also be due to headliner Kembra Pfahler, who performs in nothing but a G-string and body paint. The event is still, as always, geared to the Goth crowd. Does it deliver? Pfahler would probably say her act, which is usually with her band Karen Black, has more to do with the “fine line between beautiful and ugly” where you can have an “absolute outerspace experience” according to her website. We do hear Goth chicks are easy. Plus Pfahler is known to crack eggs on her, uh, cookie, as part of the performance. Love goodies: Local acts Original Sin and Solaria will perform, and perennial Lovesexy Valentine’s Day act Ded Life Deviate might be a last minute add on. Plus, it’ll be a WSOU night, with on-air talent from the station in attendance. The safest date event… The award goes to: The Park is for Love Tonight, an evening of dance and song at the Park Performing Arts Center (530 32nd St., Union City, 865-6980) Feb. 12 at 8 p.m. What is it? Patrick Jude and “The DANCE June Lewis and Company” (that’s one company, in case you’re confused) present a mix of pop, rock, Broadway and classical music “weaving together song and music with beauteous, sensual, intensely dynamic dance,” according to the press release. Does it deliver? With special guests like Kim Cea of Smokey Joe’s Caf
Our first annual awards for Valentine’s Day extravaganzas, Current style.
